Nihilism
by Sarah116
Summary: How are you supposed to deal with feelings you aren't even supposed to have, let alone for your rival? HPDM slash, drug use in later chapters
1. Prologue

It's so fucked up. I am so tired of being who others expect me to be. It's not something new or unique to me. Others have suffered as they pretended their way through life. But I fear that to hide myself now will ultimately lead to my destruction.

When my name is mentioned people say it with hope or hatred. Hope that I will rid them from the evil Voldemort. Hatred that I beat Voldemort once already, and am destined to do so again. Even those most close to me fall into these pitfalls. I am sat upon a pedestal and that means no one can ever understand, since they believe me to be so different. I am not.

I used to have nightmares about the monsters under my bed. Doesn't everyone? Only mine turned out to be real, for the most part. I feel emotions like everyone else. Sadness, hope, hate, and even love. I love very easily, which can be a blessing or a curse. I have yet to decide which I think it is. One thing is for certain, if anyone ever did find out who I love, they would think I hit my head practicing quidditch. Because I, Harry Potter, am in love with Draco Malfoy.


	2. Surprising Late Night Discoveries

Harry lay in his bed listening to the snores of his year-mates. Lately, it seemed harder and harder to just fall asleep and stop thinking. His thoughts jumped around, never fully making sense. Some nights he would dream about the final battle. Others, he would dream he was with Malfoy. The latter dreams were the most troubling.

Sighing, and giving up on the peacefulness of sleep, he got up quietly from his bed and walked to the restroom. His feet were bare and hit the cold tiles with a dull thump. Standing in front of the mirror, he looked at his reflection, trying to see himself as others saw him. He noticed nothing save for his scar that would identify him as extraordinary. His eyes possessed no fraction of what he had seen in his short life. How could anyone think he was their savior?

He jerked the sink handle and splashed his face with water, letting it drip down onto his robes. He was too restless to ever get to bed now, so he decided to grab his invisibility cloak and wonder the halls for awhile. His room was undisturbed when he returned. Sticking an arm under his bed, he grasped a corner of the cloak and pulled it out. He concluded that shoes would only make his footsteps easier for Filch to hear, so he went without them.

The portrait barely mumbled a word as he went through. He loved Hogwarts at night. In the day it was loud and crowded with students, but at night it seemed so huge and full of mystery. Some superstitious muggles might have called it gloomy and spooky, but Harry simply adored it. On many such trips as this one he had encountered wondrous rooms filled with odd paraphernalia. His favorite room was still the room of requiry though.

As he was heading that way he heard a noise down the corridor. Not wanting to get caught by Filch, he ducked into a room and tried to shut the door as lightly as he could. When the footsteps passed he breathed a silent sigh of relief. Then, he turned to investigate the room he was presently in. It wasn't a classroom; that was for certain. A large sofa sat in front of a fireplace. The room was carpeted with green carpet the color of jade. A few bookshelves stood along the far wall.

Harry took a look at the titles of the books. "Deadly Poisons", "The Art of the Dark Arts", and "Mythology: An Advanced Guide" jumped out at him, along with a few required educational texts. It looked like someone's personal library.

Suddenly, the door opened. Harry spun around, forgetting his invisibility cloak was covering him. He stood still when he realized that none other than Draco Malfoy was standing at the door. Malfoy hastily shut the door behind him. He strode to the sofa where he sat down.

He lit the fire with his wand, then pulled a baggy out of his pocket. Harry identified a look of happiness on his face as Malfoy held up the bag to the light. He then walked over to the bookcase, coming so close to Harry that he had to move backwards so Malfoy wouldn't touch him. Grabbing a book without so much as a glance to the title, he returned to the couch.

Pulling out a razor blade and a straw, he dumped the powdery white contents of the bag onto the front cover of the book. Harry could barely hold back his gasp. Was Malfoy doing drugs? He continued to watch as Malfoy sorted the coke into lines with the blade, then snorted it up. When the last of it was gone, and Malfoy had licked the bag for the last remaining traces, only then did he slump down and relax. Harry didn't know what to make of this new revelation.

He inched closer so that he could see Malfoy's face. He was smiling, and it was strange, because Harry had never seen him actually smile before. Sure, he smirked all the time, but this was a purely blissful smile. With his eyes closed, he almost looked... beautiful. Harry shook his head. Where did that come from? 'But it's true,' Harry thought. 'He looks like an angel.' In fact, he was so busy watching him he didn't notice when his cloak caught fire until it was too late.

He cursed loudly and spun around, trying to put out the fire with his wand. Unfortunately, he threw the cloak off as well, and Malfoy opened his eyes with a scared and angry look upon his face. "What the hell are you doing here, Potter?"


	3. In Which Harry Tries Something New

"I-" Harry didn't know what to say.

"Get out!" Malfoy yelled.

So he left and went up to his common room.

(2 weeks later)

Harry couldn't stop thinking about Draco. He made Hermione and Ron very concerned by jumping up in class yelling "no!" when he realized he'd just thought of Malfoy as Draco.

So he did the only logical thing he could think of. He went back at midnight to Draco's secret room. He wasn't kept waiting long. Draco opened the door and shut it closed behind him. When his eyes focused on Harry he swore.

"Fuck! Potter what's wrong with you? Are you stalking me or something?" he screamed.

"No," Harry said quietly and a little too quickly. Draco stared at him, as if waiting for an explanation. After several seconds passed, Draco realized Harry wasn't planning to elaborate. Draco shook his head.

"So what," he asked, his voice dangerously low, "are you doing here? Do you think you're gonna play the part of hero? Save me from my self-destructrive ways?" He clenched his fists at his sides.

"No. I just wanted to know why…" Harry realized this was exactly the reason he had come.

Draco snorted. "You think I'd tell _you_,Potter?" He turned abruptly from Harry and sat on the couch. He was obviously trying to ignore Harry, but then he broke the silence.

"You don't know what it's like. Your life is perfect. You're everyone's 'Golden Gryffinder'," he said, spitting out the last two words like they were poison. "You have friends who really care about you."

"And you don't?"

"I didn't say that!"

You implied it."

"Whatever, Potter. You're crazy!"

"Anyways, you're wrong. How can they care about me when they don't even know me? All they see is their key to beating Voldemort.

"Oh, the poor tragic hero. Touching, but I'm still not going to tell you," he let Harry know.

"Is it your father?" Harry asked, hesitatingly.

Draco sprang up from the couch and was face to face with Harry almost before Harry was done speaking, looking an equal measure scared and angry. "You don't talk about my father, Potter! You don't know so shut up! What even makes you think that?"

"That reaction for one."

"Oh, you think you're so smart. I'm done with you. Go away," he commanded. He sulked back to the couch, faintly reminding Harry of a 3-year old when he hadn't gotten his way. Harry watched as Draco rummaged in his pocket for something. It was a lighter and cigarette. He lit the cigarette and inhaled deeply, holding in the smoke before exhaling it in a cloud.

Harry was still watching, moments later when Draco had almost finished said cigarette. Draco threw it to the ground and stomped it with his foot before speaking.

"I thought maybe the second-hand smoke would get you to leave." Harry wasn't expecting this, and his shocked expression made Draco laugh. Not very long, and not very loud, but it was the most he'd laughed in a long while. This encouraged Harry to move across the room to sit next to Draco on the couch. Draco raised an eyebrow at him. He pulled a joint out of his pocket.

"Maybe this will make you leave." He smiled and lit it. He blew the smoke into Harry's face, and Harry promptly began coughing. Of course, Draco thought this was hilarious. "Weak lungs, Potter?" Draco said with a wry grin. Harry shook his head. He then did something that took even him by surprise. He reached over and plucked the joint from Draco's left hand and raised it to his mouth. Draco's eyes were wide as he inhaled the thick, sweet smoke.

And then he started hacking his lungs out, releasing all the smoke in one big puff. Draco laughed, holding his stomach. Harry, not wanting to show how his lungs were killing him, took another puff. This one went down a little better.

"Hold it in," Draco advised, now that he was done laughing at Harry. Harry took his advice.

"How will I know it's working?"

"You'll know." He paused. "You're surprising me, Potter."

He might've said more, but Harry wasn't sure, since the glow of the fire was hypnotizing him as it swirled, and crackled- "Potter?" Harry felt Draco's hand on his shoulder, shaking him.

"Hmmm?" he managed, dragging out the 'mmm' longer than necessary.

"You didn't even hear what I said, did you?"

"No," Harry agreed, amicably. "Draco, why aren't we friends?"

"What?" Draco's mouth dropped open. "Did you just call me Draco? No, that doesn't matter. We're not friends because we hate each other!"

"I don't hate you." Harry paused to take a hit. "Oh, and you should call me Harry, okay?"

"I think that's enough for you," Draco said, extricating the joint from Harry's fingers and preceding to finish it off. "Besides, we don't get along."

"What do you call now?"

"A severe lack in judgment."

Harry laughed. "We both like Quidditch and flying. And we're both hot!"

Draco froze. "So you're calling me hot, Potter-I mean Harry?" he said seductively. Harry almost fell off the couch as Draco burst out laughing. "Relax, Potter. I'm just joking."

"I knew that!"

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I-no, no you're right."

"I think it's time to get going before-too late, I already regret this." Draco stood up and used his wand to put out the fire. He used a spell to nutralize the smell that lingered on the room, Harry, and himself. "C'mon, Potter." Harry tried to stand but found he had to immediately sit back down.

"I can't! I want to stay here."

"You have to!" Harry remained sitting, looking at Draco pitifully. Draco let out an audible sigh. "Fine. I should just leave you here, you know." He took Harry's hand and pulled him up. Harry didn't stop vertically, but rather he kept going to land on top of Malfoy on the floor. "I suppose you think this is funny!" Harry obviously did since he was giggling. "Newbies," Draco murmered.

Draco finally managed to get him to the door, holding him up with his arm around Harry's waist. He prayed no one would see them.

30 minutes and 5 wrong turns later, they were finally standing in front of the Gryffinder portrait. "Thanks, Draco!" Harry said cheerfully.

Draco nodded and began to walk back when Potter called out, "Wait! Draco, I have something to tell you." He spun around and went back to where Potter was standing.

"Well?"

"I had a dream about you." Draco stared at Harry.

"Is that all?"

"Uh, yeah."

"You're nuts, Potter. Goodnight." He turned and walked away without glancing back. Harry managed to remember the password and get up to his room without incident.

He drifted off into a colorful dream-filled sleep.


	4. Draco and Harry Have A Nice Chat

_**Dedicated to my first 3 reviewers. Thanks for reading and I'm glad you like it! This is a little less serious chapter but there might be slash in the next chapter... so just hold out a little longer...**_

The next day Harry woke up groggily to the sound of his roommates getting ready. Ron yelled at him, "Oi, Harry, wake up!"

"I'm up," he groused. He was really tired… And then he remembered two things. A) he'd enjoyed himself immensely last night with draco, and B) he'd told Draco he dreamed about him. His cheeks became rather hot when he thought about it. So he tried his best to ignore it and go to the Great Hall for some breakfast.

However, this was a bad idea since who else was sitting at the Slytherin table but a Malfoy with slicked back hair. Harry didn't realize he was staring until Hermione asked him what he was looking at.

"Nothing. I'm just tired. I didn't sleep well," he lied.

Hermione's features softened in what Harry recognized as pity. His stomach turned. "Is your scar bothering you?"

"No." He pushed away his plate. "I'm gonna go get my books for potions." He stood up and walked out of the hall. Ron glared at Hermione, asking what she'd said.

Harry was early to potions, which was a first. He didn't know why he'd gotten so angry at Hermione. She was just concerned about him. But it was so hard sometimes. When Hermione and Ron walked in a few minutes later, he smiled at them, and they returned it. Ron sat next to him and Hermione took his other side.

Draco sauntered in the room, one of the last people to show. Snape didn't say anything, of course. Green eyes connected with gray and Harry swore he felt a tingle in his fingertips, all over his body… But Draco just sneered at him and looked away, taking the seat farthest from him. It almost hurt not to have Draco recognize what had happened last night. Almost, but it couldn't hurt much, because what did he expect anyway? That one night would make up for years of insults and hate?

Harry determined to stop thinking about it and concentrate on potions. Still, he would've blown his cauldron up a few times if Hermione hadn't been there. The rest of the day passed by in a blur. There was Care of Magical Creatures, Lunch, Divination, free time, and then Dinner.

The Gryffinders were lying around the common room, doing homework or just staring into the fire. People were just beginning to head upstairs to bed. Harry was pondering whether or not he should go visit Draco at midnight. He wanted to go… but what if he didn't even show up, or if he was angry? Finally, he decided to go, and just hope for the best.

And he wasn't disappointed. Draco showed up on time as usual. "I could set my watch by you," Harry commented. Draco jumped, although he didn't look terribly surprised.

"God, Potter. Miss me that much you just had to see me again?" Draco smirked.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Sure. Whatever you need to believe," Draco said in a mock condescending manner. "So you want to smoke?"

"You're asking me?"

"Yeah, Potter. If there's one thing I'm not, it's rude." Harry shot a look at him. "At least not when people don't deserve it. So is that a no?"

"No." Draco took out two joints and handed one to Harry. "So I won't have to touch your Gryffinder germs," he explained. He lighted his, then handed the lighter to Harry.

Harry flicked the wheel but nothing happened. He kept trying, but he just couldn't seem to do it. Draco rolled his eyes. "You have to press it down **and** roll it." He demonstrated. Harry then tried again, and lit the joint this time. He sucked in the smoke and managed not to cough on the exhale. He slumped against the couch as he felt his whole body relax with the smoke.  
They sat in a comfortable silence, only broken by the sound of paper cracking and breathing.

"So why are you here?"

"Do I have to have a reason?" Harry asked.

"Well, normal people do things for reasons."

"Whoever said I was normal?"

"Guess you're right. But just answer the question instead of evading it, Potter. I don't give up easily."

"Maybe I want to be your friend."

Draco snorted, "So _now_ you want to be my friend?" he said, bemused.

"Look, I was 11. We've both changed since then."

"Speak for yourself."

"Why do you have to be so bitter?"

"Why do you have so annoying?"

They glared then burst out laughing. Draco composed himself first. "You know," he said, taking a hit off the joint, "you're alright."

"Does this mean we're friends?" Harry asked hopefully.

"What is it with you and your bloody obsession with that subject, Potter?"

"Call me Harry. It's the thing to do when one is a friend." Harry grinned at him.

"Why did I invite you to stay again?"

"You were lonely and you think I'm alright," Harry answered.

"It was rhetorical, _Harry_." The name slid off his tongue easily despite being unfamiliar.


	5. Choices

**_I know it's short, but if I added the next chapter to this one it would be too long, so I'll update again within the next few days... Some reviews might make me type faster... hint, hint_**

Their meetings soon became a ritual. Harry found himself counting the hours until he and Draco would hang out again. His classes all seemed boring, and Hermione and Ron got on his nerves, always wanting to know what he was thinking, or where he'd been. They were suffocating him. Lately, it was only Draco who made him laugh and feel like a normal person.

So far, they had avoided talking about Voldemort or the war. But things were getting worse everyday, and Harry needed someone to talk to.

Before Draco could sit down, Harry asked, " Do you ever feel like you don't have control over your life?"

Draco looked at him for a minute, before replying, "Why? Do you?"

"I asked you first."

"And I asked you why."

"In the Order, Dumbledore and the others treat me like a little kid. I've seen a lot, and I'm not a kid. They want me to do whatever they say without telling me why. I'm just fed up with them keeping information from me."

"At least they care enough to protect you."

"Does your dad ever talk to you about Voldemort?" Draco flinched at the name.

"What do you think?" he said in an angry tone. "Of course he does."

"Well, are you- I mean, are you going to take the mark?"

"Why are we talking about this?" Draco took out a couple of joints, handed one to Harry, then lit his. It was obvious he thought the conversation was over.

"Draco!" Harry grabbed his left wrist, and Draco widened his eyes. "I need to know. This can't go on... if you're just gonna report to Voldemort."

"I would think you knew me well enough to know I wouldn't tell him." Draco sighed, looking down at the floor. "My father's told me all my life that I'll someday be a death eater and bow down to Him." This confession was whispered and a little hesitant.

"But you do have control! We always have a choice. It may not be a very good choice, but we have to do what's right."

"What if we don't know? What if we aren't even sure who we are? My dad's told me how to act, think, and speak all my life. But this friendship we have violates all of it! How did I manage to break free, and will I have the courage to go against my father when everything hangs on my decision?"

"Draco, look at me. All of this, we're doing it for the next generations. If we suffer, and die today, maybe thousands of people will be spared. I might not make it and you might not make it, but someone will. Someone able to bring back peace. To extablish a co-existance between muggles and wizards. It's for the cause. You lose yourself to join something much bigger than you thought was possible. It's what our deaths will accomplish."

"I don't want you to die."

"I don't want you to die either, but that's really beside the point."

"I don't think you got my point."

Draco leaned over and pressed his lips against Harry's dry smooth ones. Harry kissed him back after a minute of shock, wrapping his arms around Draco's neck and pulling him closer.

Reuctantly the kiss was ended, and both boys were left staring at one another.


	6. Repercussions

**A/N:** _Sorry about the wait, it was finals week at school. But now it's Christmas and I'll try to update more often. This is dedicated to all my awesome reviewers! Thanks!_

Harry was tired of the uncomfortable silence that filled the room after the kiss. Neither boy had said a word, just lighted up and smoked. Harry was very aware of the fact that his and Draco's knees were still touching. He'd enjoyed the kiss, but he'd thought he was straight. Now he was just confused.

The hand in which Draco held his joint was shaking. He didn't want to think about the repercussions of what had just happened but he couldn't avoid it. His body trembled with both the knowledge that it was wrong and the desire to do it again. Damn him, why didn't he think before doing that?

"Draco-" Harry began, before being cut off by Draco.

"Don't." The tone of his voice was sharp and a little bit scared.

"We have to talk about this."

"No. I don't **have** to do anything. How about we forget it happened?" Draco offered, his voice faltering a bit as he tried to persuade Harry.

"Does that mean you don't want to do it again?" Harry said, coyly.

Draco's mouth hung open. "What?"

"Why did you kiss me if you weren't going to follow through? Did you do it just to see how it would feel or what?"

"Look. I didn't, I mean, it wasn't something I'd really thought through, so-"

"So think it through now."

"That's exactly what I'm doing! Don't you recall any of our conversation before that? About Voldemort?" Draco's face held an odd mix of sadness, anger, and fear. "My 17th birthday is coming up. My father expects me to take the mark. If you and I... He would find out. He would use this against you."

"So you're going to let fear of Voldemort control you?"

"This isn't just about us, remember? You're the only hope we have of winning! It's selfish of us if we continue like this. Trading the fate of the world for a few happy moments?" Draco was forlorn. He wanted to get to know Harry better, be with him in public, and not have to worry about the War and Voldemort. But this wasn't some fantasy story, it was reality, and he knew it wasn't fair, but this was the way things had to be.

"You could just refuse to take the mark."

"My father would kill me. Literally. He's prepared me for this my whole life."

"So you're just going to join and kill innocent people?"

"I have no choice."

"Yes you do!"

"Do you? Did you have a choice about becoming the Boy-Who-Lived? Your destiny is to defeat Voldemort. Mine is to follow in my father's footsteps." He said this like it was the absolute truth, and it was, to him. It had always been taught to him. Harry was shaking his head.

"This is different. You could go into hiding, or..." Harry trailed off, out of alternatives.

"Voldemort would find, kill and torture me. Eventually." Draco sighed. "I've talked to Severus. He said the best solution would be to spy."

"That's too dangerous!"

"It's the only way. At least this way I'll be able to help you defeat Voldemort, instead ofhiding in some closet waiting for the war to be over."

"If he finds out you're a spy..."

"I won't give him the opportunity."

"So, does all of this mean that if it wasn't for Voldemort, you'd kiss me again?"

Draco half-smiled, in a defeated sort of way. "Yeah. If Voldemort dropped dead right now, then I'd kiss you again. But there's not much chance of that happening, is there?"

"No, unfortunately." Both boys sighed.

"It's getting late, we'd better go to bed."

"Yeah." Neither moved.

"One day it'll be over, you know."

"And maybe then we could-"

"Yeah, maybe."

This time, they got up together. Draco took out his wand and put out the fire. Harry walked to the door, and pulled his invisibility cloak on, glancing back just once to look at Draco, before he slipped through the door, and all the way back to his dorm, his thoughts lingered on the kiss.


	7. You Never Did Say Why

_**A/N: Finally, I was able to find time to sit down and type this up. Thanks to all my reviewers! Your support gives me the incentive to write better and longer chapters! Keep it up.**_

The next day they had potions. Harry's eyes met Draco's as he entered the room. Draco felt a tug at his heart that confused him and made him long to touch Harry. He lowered his eyes and walked to the seat farthest from Harry. Harry didn't realize he was staring until Ron asked him what he was looking at. He just shook his head.

Snape walked into the room and the lesson began. They were making a glamour potion that altered appearance. Although easy, it was best made with a partner. Snape, being the evil control freak he was had already decided the partners. He called them out and Harry and Draco both widened their eyes when their names were announced.

Outwardly, Draco sent a despairing look at his friends, who shrugged at him. But inside he did like to be around Harry. He was so caring. Harry flashed a small smile at him and Draco did the same, not really caring if anyone saw. Fortunately though, no one did.

"Why don't you get the ingredients we need from Snape and I'll chop up the willow roots," Draco suggested.

"Okay." Harry went to get the ingredients, including dragon's blood, witch hazel bark, and cardamom seeds. They worked in silence for awhile. But finally all that was left was to let the potion simmer for ten minutes.

"Do you still want to meet tonight?" Harry asked in a whisper. Draco narrowed his eyes and appeared to be thinking.

"Of course. It's a habit." Both boys smiled at the joke and there was more than a little relief conveyed. Niether was sure where the boundaries where. And neither wanted to make the first move.

"So are Weasly and Granger going out?"

"What? No. Why?" Draco shrugged.

"They're always together."

"I think Ron likes her, but she has a thing for this Ravenclaw 7th year."

"Really? I heard she was in love with Neville."

"What are you, the gossip of Hogwarts? Where do you hear these things?"

"I suspect some slytherin makes them up for amusement purposes."

"That's sick."

"Not really. Although the rumours about you are way off base."

"What rumours?"

"Oh, that you've slept with all the Gryffinder girls. And you and Granger and Weasley are all sleeping together."

Harry was too shocked to speak. "You have too much time on your hands," He said after a moment's pause.

"I know, believe me." The timer than rang and Draco hurried to move the caldron off the fire. He labeled it with their names and the date before walking to Snape's desk and placing the bottle on it. Harry slowly cleaned the caldron as he thought about what he'd just heard.

Snape dismissed the class and Harry relunctuntly left Draco to join Ron and Hermione.

"Hey, mate. Was it bad working with Malfoy?"

"Uh... Not really. He was actually civil."

"Are you sure we're talking about the same Malfoy?" Ron joked. "But really, he could be up to something."

Hermione sighed. "Let's not talk about Malfoy."

Ron agreed and Harry nodded, knowing it was easier not to talk about him than to think about him.

The night came faster than he thought it would. He slipped out of the common room through the portrait hole and snuck down the stairs. A few turns later and he was at the door to the room. Draco was already there, and Harry was a little surprised to see some needles in the bundle on his lap.

"What's that?"

"Heroin."

"Where do you get them?"

At this, Draco smiled and looked up. "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."

"I mean it. I won't tell anyone."

Draco sighed. "I have contacts in the muggle world. I'm rich, which you already know, and my parents are never around. I just have them deliver it to the manor."

"Oh. So, why?"

"I wouldn't tell you before and I'm not gonna tell you now."  
"But things are different now."

"Maybe to you." Harry's eyes filled with hurt and Draco instantly regretted his harsh words. "I just need something to relax and slow things down, you know?"

"Yeah," Harry said, even though he really didn't know, he knew Draco was indulging him and didn't want to make him admit more than he was ready to.

"No you don't." Draco snorted. "I think about a lot of stuff, all the time. It makes me very impatient."

"Have you gone to a docter?"

"A Malfoy? Have mental illness in the family? Yeah, right." Draco said this sarcastically but Harry could hear there was a lot of hate in that observance.

"So why are you here, Harry?" Draco asked. "It's only fair."

"I was lonely at the beginning. And curious about you. Now I just enjoy your company." Draco looked confused for a second, before arranging his face in a blank expression.

"That's a terrible reason."

"Why?"

"I'm the reason you're gonna be a drug addict!"

"That's not true. I chose this, not you."

"I provided the means."

"There's other reasons too."

"Really?"

"Yeah." There was a slight pause.

"So you want to try heroin?"

"Needles?"

"Don't worry, I'll do it so you won't even feel a thing."

"Okay."

Draco took out two unused syringes and took the plastic covers off. He took out a bottle of a milky white-brown liquid and put some in the syringes. He tied a scarf around Harry's upper arm, pushing his sleeve up. This brought him in very close proximity to Harry, and he caught his breath, suddenly a little nervous. "Squeeze your hand into a fist," he instructed.

Harry did as he was told, and Draco located the vein and inserted the needle. Harry looked away. A bit of blood trickled to the surface down his arm, and Draco wiped it off as he pulled out the needle. "Done."

Harry looked at his arm and admitted it hadn't hurt like he thought it would. Draco tied the scarf around his arm and injected himself, and Harry watched like he was mesmerized. And he was. The sight filled him with an ache in his soul. He knew then that he really did care deeply about Draco. Deeper than he'd ever thought possible.

He felt the euphoria rush over him and all the bad things disappear. He saw the joyful expression on Draco's face and knew he had an identical look. They sat there for awhile, silent, until they both fell asleep.


	8. Making Out And Voldemort

_**A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers!**_

"Bloody hell!" Draco said as he woke up and realized where he was. What time was it? He looked at the clock over the fireplace. It was only 3 am, fortunately. He leaned back, the terror fading from his heart. He looked over at Harry, who was still sleeping.

'Why do I like him so much?' he wondered. 'Of course, he is rather good-looking.'

Harry moved in his sleep and Draco jumped, feeling like he'd been caught. He thought he'd better wake up Harry and try to get him to his common room.

"Harry!" Draco shook him. "Time to wake up." He was unprepared for the hand that grabbed his and pulled. He fell over onto Harry, who was properly awake now.

"Oomph." Draco's landing face down on the sofa knocked the breath out of him.  
"What are you doing?" Harry asked, both weirded out and a bit happy to be so close to him. 'But just a bit', he told himself.

"Trying to wake you up!" Draco said, as he got up.

"Oh." Harry looked around and noticed for the first time that he wasn't in the Gryffindor Dormitories. "Oh, yeah."

"Not a morning person?"

"Not really." He yawned, and Draco shook his head. Then his face turned serious.

"I have to tell you something."

Harry was instantly sobered by the tone of his voice. "What?"

"It's my birthday in two days. My dad has arranged for me to portkey out of Hogsmeade at midnight." Harry was looking into Draco's eyes, which were scared and angry. "I want to spy for you."

"You want to be a spy for the order? I thought-"  
"No. I don't want to be a spy for the order. I'll tell you what I know. Only you. It's your decision to give the information to Dumbledore or not." Harry looked a little doubtful at this, but before he could speak, Draco went on. "I've thought about this for awhile. It's what I want."

"Okay. But how will I know this information? Dumbledore will be suspicious."

"Tell anything you want. Or tell him the truth. You have a spy who wishes to remain anonymous."

"Are you sure? He'll torture you. What if he sees inside your mind and finds out?"

"Snape's my godfather. He's been teaching me occlumency since I was little."

"I want you to be safe."

"No one's safe." Draco stood up. "We should get going."

Harry stood, but instead of walking towards the door, he pressed closer to Draco.

"Harry-"

"Shh." Harry kissed him, and Draco kissed him back. 'I could get used to this,' Draco thought. The kiss ended too soon for both of them, and even though Draco knew he would regret this, he kissed Harry again. They made out for awhile, before they finally agreed it was too late. They didn't discuss any of what had happened as they walked down the hall. When the corridor forked right and left, they were forced to part.

"Good night." Harry said.

"Night."

Two nights later, Draco was walking out of the castle at 11:30, when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned, knowing it was Harry. "What are you doing out here?" Draco asked.

"I wanted to wish you luck. Don't get killed. I'll be waiting for you in the room."

"I wouldn't wait up. I'll try not to get killed."

"Okay." They pulled closer to each other, almost unconsciously. They kissed tenderly, just a quick peck on the lips. "Luck."

"Thanks," Draco whispered. Then he turned and walked towards the broom shed. He heard Harry walk back to the castle, and he smiled at how Gryffindor he was. Then he thought of what was to come next and stopped smiling. He flew to Hogsmead, picked up the umbrella, and felt a tug at his naval. He was transported to the Malfoy Manor.

His father opened the door, saying, "You're early. For once."

He nodded to his father, looking at the floor. "Is Our Lord here already?" he asked, trying to sound eager instead of petrified.

"No. Go change into the robes I put on your bed. They're ceremonial."

"Yes, Father." He went upstairs into his bedroom, and changed. He took a look at his arm, and the white smooth flesh he'd never see again. He shuddered. His father called out for him to come downstairs, the Dark Lord was about to arrive.

He joined his family downstairs. His mother was present, in the corner, and his father stood in the middle of the room. He stood next to his father. Voldemort popped into existence a few seconds later, followed by Pettigrew.

Voldemort looked hideous, but stronger. He must've been if he could apparate by himself. Voldemort held out his hand, and his father kissed it. Draco was then expected to do the same. He felt like throwing up, but he went through with it.

"So your son will finally join us, Lucius. How exciting." He spoke in a monotone, spacing out each word, and hissing sometimes.

"I am very pleased also, my lord. He is adequate in his studies, and will make a strong deatheater." Draco couldn't help but be happy to hear that his father was pleased with him. He'd always longed for Lucius' praise, which he rarely ever got.

"Why do you want to join us, Draco?"

"I want to kill all the muggles and muggle-borns. Pure-blood wizards are superior. And I wish to avenge myself against Potter, my lord." Draco kept his thoughts blank, letting a scene of him and Harry fighting 'slip' through to Voldemort.

Voldemort nodded, and said, "Hold out your arm."

Draco held it out, and Voldemort grasped it, putting his wand in the spot where the mark would appear. "This might hurt a little," he said, grinning, but there was nothing good about his expression. He muttered a few words, and suddenly Draco felt the most excruciating pain he'd ever felt in his life. His legs almost gave out but he forced himself to stand.

Then, it was over. His father was thanking Voldemort, and he left. Draco was still trying to stand, though the pain was lessoning with each passing minute. Lucius grabbed him by the shoulders with both arms. "I've never been more proud to have a son. Now, the Dark Lord has plans for you. We want you to try to befriend Potter. Try to get alone with him. We'll set up a portkey or something and you can have him touch it."

"Potter? But won't he think it's a trap?"

"Not if you do your job well. We're giving you until the end of the school year. Make us proud." His mother appeared next to him.

"Be careful. We're so proud."

He nodded to his mum, and then left. He picked up the portkey outside the door, and reappeared in Hogsmead. He uncovered his broom from it's hiding spot, and when he was in the air, all he could think about was seeing Harry.


	9. So What Happened and Why Are You Taking ...

_**A/N: So you won't lose your mindwaiting for the story to be updated. Thanks for the reviews. Keep 'em coming! :)**_

The moment Draco stepped inside the room, Harry knew it had been horrible. He leapt up and held Draco's arm as he led him to sit on the sofa. Draco looked lost in thought as he stared at the fire.

After several minutes of silence, Harry asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. But I will." He raised the sleeve of his robe and showed Harry the mark. Harry had to stop himself from flinching when he saw it. It made him sick to see Draco branded like Voldemort's property.

"God.. Did it hurt?"

"No, it made me feel all happy inside. Of course it hurt! Felt like cruciatus times ten." Draco held his arm like he still remembered the pain.

"Sorry. What happened?"

"Voldemort was there, and so were my parents. He just talked to my dad. Then he got out his wand and placed the tip of it on my arm, muttered something, lots of pain, and then I had this," he finished, pointing to the mark, and smirking just a little. Now that he was in Harry's presence, he felt much better about things.

"That's all?"

"Well, then Voldemort left. My dad told me what I'm supposed to do." He paused. "I'm supposed to befriend you and then kidnap you and bring you to Voldemort."

"What? I would never fall for that!"

"That's what I said. But my father just assured me I'd have to be very persuasive." He had a definate smirk now, as he said, "I could've done it."

"Whatever. I'm just glad you're safe. What are we going to do about Voldemort?"

"What, no brilliant ideas?"

"Are you always this sardonic after meeting with Voldemort?"

"He brings out the best in me." He didn't smile, just looked away from Harry into the fire. "Seriously, what do you think we should do?"

"Tell them you're trying, but I'm very suspicious and unfriendly. That'll give us time to think up a better plan."

"I guess."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Draco got up and walked to the bookshelf. Pulling out a hollowed book filled with cocaine, he turned and sat back down next to Harry. Harry was quiet as Draco sorted the coke into lines and proceded to snort several. He sat there sniffing, and pushed the book to Harry. Harry hesitated a little, but Draco's eyes where closed and he didn't notice. Harry snorted a couple of lines before setting the book down on the floor. No sooner had he done this than Draco was on top of him, kissing him deeply. Harry's face was numb from the coke so it felt really wierd, but a good kind.

Perhaps the drug was also to blame when he let Draco take off his shirt, and then when he took off Draco's. But as Draco attempted to pull off his pants, he spoke up.

"Hey!"

"What?"

"We're not even together!"

"Why does it matter?"

"I- Um."

"Are you the type who has to be romanced first?"

"No! I mean, I don't know. Yeah."

"I figured. You can't blame me for trying though."

"What time is it?" Draco turned to look.

"2:43. I'd better go. I have to meet with Severus before I go to bed."

"Snape? Why?"

"He'll be wanting to know how the meeting went. Don't worry, he knows I don't want to be a deatheater. He thinks I will anyway though, to please my father. Always assuming, that man." Draco shook his head.

"Okay." Draco got up, put his shirt back on, and put the hollowed out cocaine book on the shelf. Harry slid his shirt over his head, too. They both stood at the door, reluctant to leave each other. Finally, they kissed, and said good night.

Then each walked alone to their respective house.


	10. Prelude To A Downfall

Draco walked down the corridor, buzzing from the coke and annoyed at having to check in with Severus. He finally got to the  
dungeons and entered Severus's living chambers. He was met with the sight of the potion's master pacing the floor with a

scowl. Draco sighed and flung himself onto the sofa Severus kept in the corner.

"Well, how did it go?"

"I got the mark"

"Will you tell me what he wants you to do for him"

"Not if you're going to report back to Dumbledore." The coke made Draco sound more agitated than he meant to be, but he was getting restless.

"Draco, if you become a spy then when Voldemort loses you won't go to Azkaban"

"Yeah, if I'm not dead"

"I'm not joking! Dumbledore can protect you"

"No. Good night," Draco told Severus, and promptly left for his dormitory. He attempted to sleep, but when that failed, resorted to thinking about Harry. Nice thoughts turned into nice dreams and he slept.

Harry woke up the next morning with a smile on his face. It quickly turned into a frown when Hermione and Ron confronted him. "What's going on?" Hermione asked him. "You're sleeping in class and your grades are suffering! And you never talk to us anymore"

"Yeah, mate. Are you depressed about Sirius"

"No. It has nothing to do with Sirius. I just can't sleep well," he lied.

"You should see Madam Pomfrey. She can give you a sleeping potion," Hermione suggested.

"Yeah, that's a great idea." Ron smiled at Hermione and she smiled back. Harry noticed the exchange and decided to confront them about something too.

"So when did you two get together"

"What? How did you know?" Ron asked in shock.

"If he didn't know before, he does now," said Hermione.

Harry grinned. "Hey, I'm okay with it. Everyone deserves to be happy, right"

"You're taking this rather well," said Hermione. She hugged him tightly.

"I'm just glad Ron finally got the courage to ask you out"

"Hey! I just had to work myself up to it, that's all"

Harry sighed at how it was all too easy to slip back into pretend mode that everything was fine.

Draco got to the room first that night. He had missed Harry all day, and he hadn't even been able to see him clearly at dinner, what with Crabbe sitting across from him. He'd actually arrived early so he could shoot up some heroin before. He hadn't melted this one yet, but he was prepared with a spoon, a syringe, a lighter, a length of rubber tubing, and a bottle of water.

He removed the heroin from the bag and placed a chunk on the spoon. He heated it up with the lighter below to soften it, then poured a small amount water into the spoon, and waited for it to dissolve. He then put the heroin in the syringe and put the spoon on the floor. He tied the rubber tubing like a muggle tourniquet around his arm, then found a vein and pushed the needle in. He felt good instantly. It was a comfy sort of feeling and he felt his arms pulsing. He removed the tubing from his arm and placed it beside him on the couch. He lay his head back.

The door opened after a few minutes. Harry came in to note how cute Draco looked. "Hey, Draco." Draco's eyes flew open and he smiled at Harry, gesturing for him to sit down. When Harry complied, Draco pulled him close and kissed him slowly. It was the beginning of a very interesting night.


	11. Before the Battle

The end of the school year was upon them before they knew it. Lucius had called Draco to the manor this weekend, and they suspected he would be given a port key. Harry had decided to tell Dumbledore his plan. He wanted to take the opportunity to surprise Voldemort and end this thing once and for all. 

That Friday night, Harry and Draco sat together on the couch in their secret room. Draco was restless, frightened, and angry all at the same time, and his right foot tapped the floor in a steady rhythm.

"Hey, relax," Harry cajoled him.

"How can I relax when we could be going to our deaths tomorrow?" Draco snapped, then immediately regretted it when he saw the hurt on Harry's face. "I'm sorry," he sighed, in a softer tone. "I just can't stop thinking about it-" He was cut off when Harry pulled him close for a kiss.

"Better?"

"A little. But what if Voldemort knows I'm a spy and this is just a trap?" Draco stared into space, thinking about all that could go wrong.

"We already talked about this. It's been months. We have to take the chance! We've never had a better one. Now stop," Harry commanded.

Draco looked at Harry with no expression before saying, "You know I love you, right?"

"I love you, too." And Draco hugged Harry tightly, planting kisses on his neck. Soon they were both undressed and very happy, at least for that night.

Draco woke up early the next morning. The meeting was at noon. It was a Hogsmeade weekend and Draco could sneak away without being noticed. He would then get the port key, apparate back, and bring back Harry Potter. That was the plan according to his father in the owl he'd sent to inform Draco when to meet.

However, instead of just Harry, there would be a whole team of Aurers and others in the Order. Draco looked at the sleeping boy next to him and thought 'I don't know what I'll do if he dies'. Reluctantly, he woke Harry, who was up instantly. He shot a shaky smile at him, which was returned.

"Be careful today," Harry warned Draco.

"Me? You're the one with Gryffindor hero complex." Draco smirked. Harry laughed, and for a moment everything seemed normal. Unfortunately it didn't last long, and both turned their thoughts to the battle. "Do you think we'll survive?"

"I don't know," Harry answered softly. "But as long as Voldemort doesn't, it's worth it. So many people have died because of him."

"Sometimes I wish you would lie to me."

"Okay then. Everyone on the good side will live and all the bad evil guys will die. And you and I will be pictured on wizarding money for the next century." Draco laughed.

"As long as I get to be on the Galleon."

"You wish!" They continued to talk until 9, when they had to go to breakfast. As they dressed, each became aware this could be the last time they were together. They embraced, and kissed for good luck, before leaving and going their separate ways.


	12. Final Preparations

Draco went along with all the other kids going to Hogsmeade. Once there, he walked towards the woods, and after checking to see no one had followed him, he apparated to the manor. He appeared in his bedroom. His father must've been waiting for him, or had heard the loud 'pop', because he opened the door and stepped into the room.

"The Dark Lord will be very pleased when you manage to bring him Potter."

"Yes, I think he will," he agreed submissively with his father.

"Don't let us down. You have to uphold the Malfoy name."

"I know." 'Of course I know. I'd known my whole life,' Draco thought.

"Get ready. Your mother would like to see you. Our Lord will be here at four, so you will have time to get back to Hogsmeade." With that, he left. Draco bit his lip.

'Oh. I don't want to do this. But I have to. I wish I could just have a little something… anything to not think about this. I have to be sharp, though. No. Just wait a little longer. 'Okay,' he decided in his mind. One good thing about coming home was that Draco could bathe in his own wonderful bathtub.

He drew the water, adding a generous amount of bubbles. Because the bathtub was magical, it filled in about a minute. He hissed as he got in. The water was almost scalding hot, just the way he liked it. He wondered what Harry was doing.

He was lost in remembering and daydreaming until half the bubbles had disappeared and the water was a tad chilly. He got out and found the house elf had placed his death eater robes and mask on his bed. He changed, and then went to see what his mother would have to say.

He found her on the patio, a glass of wine in her hand, and a half-empty bottle on the table. "Draco!" she said, and gave him a small smile. "Are you excited?"

"A bit. I'm happy to bring him Potter. It's too bad I can't kill him myself." He almost laughed as he said it, but managed not to show his amusement in his voice.

"Show respect! Refer to Our Lord as Lord." She paused to sip the wine. "I'm so proud of you. Just like your father." Draco frowned. He didn't like being told he was anything like Lucius. He hated his mother sometimes.

'I suppose I can't judge her. I mean, look at me,' he thought, a little guiltily. "Be careful, mum."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, I don't know." She gives him a strange look, like she is suspicious, but he puts on his bored face. "I have some things I need to do before the meeting with The Dark Lord." He glanced over to his mother, over exaggerating, as if to say, 'Happy now?'

Narcissa nods her head, bidding him leave. Draco walks up to his room to wait.

Meanwhile, Harry was in the meeting at Dumbledore's office. He, Dumbledore, Tonks, Moody, Lupin, Kingsley, Bill Weasley, and a few people whom Harry didn't know by name, were discussing strategy. How Harry should kill Voldemort. Harry told himself not to think about what Draco was doing, and to concentrate on the battle ahead.

"We don't know how many Death Eaters will be there. Mr. Malfoy was unable to find out, correct, Harry?" Dumbledore asked him. Harry nodded.

"We'll port key together with our wands ready, and as soon as we arrive start stupefying. Harry, you'll be in the middle, and we'll try to protect you from the Death Eaters. You worry about Voldemort, my boy, and don't try to avenge anything."

Harry clenched his teeth, angered that Dumbledore had just assumed he would go and find Bellatrix to get revenge for Sirius. Not that it wasn't tempting, though. "Yes, sir."

"This has trap written all over it," began Moody for the tenth time that day. "Are you sure this Malfoy is on our side?"

"Yes," Harry said firmly. "Don't worry about it. I'm not."

A moment of silence followed his comment, before Dumbledore resumed speaking. "We've worked on the spell for almost a year now, and we think it's ready. Harry has been practicing an ancient form of Avada Kedavra. The most powerful we could come up with."

No one looked surprised, and Harry knew Dumbledore was just rehashing the plan to get their minds ready for it. After Harry defeated Voldemort (if, in fact, he was able to), the stunned Death Eaters would be rounded up and sent to Azkaban. Those that had gotten away would be easy to track down.

Dumbledore ended the meeting by saying they had one hour before they would need to be in the carriages to Hogsmeade. Harry walked out of the office shakily, realizing the next two hours would decide not only his fate, but the rest of the wizarding world's. Hermione and Ron were sitting on the couch in the Common Room, waiting for him. Hermione jumped up from the couch and hugged him.

"Oh, Harry, be careful!" she choked out.

"Hey, I'll be okay. Voldemort doesn't stand a chance," he said, managing to sound confident.

Ron, a little jealous by now, stood up also, and patted Harry on the back. "I believe in you, mate," he said.

Harry grinned. He wanted to tell them about Draco so bad all of a sudden. But he knew they would never accept it. He let himself think about Draco now. How he wished it was Draco here with him, and not his friends. He felt a pang of guilt at that thought, but it was the truth.

The three friends talked about old times and adventures. They didn't talk about the war. An hour was soon up, and Harry embraced them both, before leaving Hogwarts. 'Maybe for the last time,' he thought morbidly.

**_A/N:_ I've been so busy these last few weeks and I had a touch of writer's block, so forgive me the long update wait. But I have tons of ideas for the next chapter. In fact, there will be two endings to this story, one sad, and one a little happier. I've always loved the angsty endings myself. **


	13. How It Ends So Bitterly

Harry was still thinking about Draco as the carriage pulled into Hogsmeade. He sighed, wishing for what felt like the millionth time that he was just a normal guy. 'But then I wouldn't have met Draco..' Next to him, Dumbledore stood, and Harry followed him as he stepped out of the carriage. They walked into the woods a little ways, to the place where Draco would meet them.

A few moments later, Draco appeared holding the port key, which was a green book. Despite the circumstances, they both smiled at each other. "It's keyed to activate in 5 minutes," he announced to everyone gathered around. Some people nodded, while others just glanced around warily. Harry knew only a few of the present Aurors, and Draco knew less. Dumbledore started talking to everyone, and Harry tuned him out as Draco stepped over to him. "Hey," he whispered, with a wry smile.

"Have you been listening to this all day?" Draco asked with a smirk, indicating Dumbledore. Harry nodded, suddenly unable to speak because of all the emotions struggling within him. How was it possible to love someone this much? And no one less than the person he'd once considered an enemy? "Hey, it's okay. You're gonna defeat Voldemort, and we'll all live happily ever after. Isn't that how it goes?" Draco tried to make Harry feel better.

"Yeah. That's the plan." Suddenly, Dumbledore broke into their conversation.

"Get ready everyone. Join hands." Everyone complied, and Harry found himself grasping Draco's hand on his right, and Dumbledore's on his left. Seconds before the port key was activated, Harry wrenched his hand from Draco's and flung him backwards onto the ground, grabbing the book before it fell. He felt a tug at his naval, as he saw Draco's disbelieving face swirl into unfamiliar surroundings.

It happened just as they'd planned. The Aurors were ready, and they formed a protective circle around Harry, stunning several Death Eaters before they had a chance to react. Voldemort looked furious as he realized what had happened. Harry repeated the spell in his mind, forcing himself to concentrate. He raised his wand and prepared to end this, once and for all. Voldemort had his wand drawn also. Everyone else was busy with the death eaters.

"So, boy, you think you have what it takes to kill me?" Voldemort hissed.

Harry didn't bother to reply, and chose instead to shout the spell. "Aeternus Damno Perditio!" A pure white light shot out of his wand and hit Voldemort squarely in the chest, sending him flying. Around Harry, the fighting ceased as everyone on both sides watched.

Harry was horrified to see Voldemort stand up, grinning evilly. He didn't notice, but the fighting resumed. Voldemort walked up to him, raised his wand and said, "Crucio!" Harry felt more pain than he'd thought possible. He couldn't help but let out a gasp, the remnants of a choked off scream. It stopped, and he lay there, panting.

"And they said you would be my downfall," Voldemort spoke to him. Harry gathered up his remaining strength, and grasped his wand, pointing it at Voldemort. His mind was whirling desperately, trying to figure out a way to kill him.

As Voldemort uttered the killing curse, Harry shouted," Ignis Perfringo!" The two spells met, and exploded, sending both Harry and Voldemort flying. Harry landed with a thud, and a sharp pain in his left arm let him know that it was broken. He took a moment to observe his surroundings. Both Aurors and Death Eaters littered the ground. A few still fought, including Dumbledore and Moody.

Harry saw Voldemort getting to his feet about ten meters away. He forced himself to ignore the pain in his arm and staggered to his own feet. He searched frantically for his wand, but he couldn't find it. Voldemort still came closer, however, and Harry was tired of running. He grabbed a wand off of a dead Death Eater, and pointed it at Voldemort.

"Ready to die, Potter?" Voldemort sneered. He raised his wand quickly and uttered a spell before Harry could have hoped to defend himself. "Avada Kedavra!" A green light rushed over Harry, and he felt strange. He saw his whole life before him, from the Dursley's to Hogwarts to Ron and Hermione to Draco… and the world went black.

Dumbledore heard the evil manic laughter coming from Voldemort, and he turned to see Harry lying motionless on the ground before him. The Death Eater he'd been dueling took advantage of this, and stunned him. He fell onto the ground, tears in his eyes. They'd failed.

(Meanwhile)

Draco sat bewildered in the forest, waiting for Harry to come back. 'Why did he push me out of the way?' he wondered. He pounded the ground with his fist in anger. After several hours had passed, and night had fallen, he began to worry even more intensely. But Harry had to win, he had to. He refused to give up, and stayed in the same spot until dawn.

'Harry wouldn't just leave me here if we won, he wouldn't have forgotten me, so please God, just let him be okay…' he thought, panicked and sick with foreboding. Finally, and reluctantly, he decided to head back to Hogwarts. Hogsmeade was uncharacteristically silent, but he figured it was just too early.

Unbelievable carnage greeted him as he walked through the gates of Hogwarts. Dead students, teachers, and a few Death Eaters were scattered all over the grounds. He dropped to his knees and threw up. All over the castle it was the same. The stench of death hung over everything, and the only thing that moved besides Draco was the wind.

Draco didn't want to acknowledge what this meant; that Harry was dead; they'd failed; and now the wizarding world was doomed. Draco suddenly felt the Dark Mark burning on his arm. Voldemort was calling him. He gave himself a moment control himself, his godfather's teachings in occlumency paying off. His carefully composed face let no emotion through. Then he walked off the grounds and apparated.

Voldemort was in front of him, the remaining Death Eaters in a loose circle around him. "You were most helpful, Draco." "They overpowered me, my lord," he began, but was cut off by a "Crucio!" The pain was a relief in a way. He deserved it. He'd sent Harry to his death, and now he would join him That's all he wanted. Just as suddenly as the pain had started, it stopped, and he slowly picked himself up.

"That was a warning," Voldemort told him. "Fortunately, through your failure, I've done what I could not these last years. Potter is dead." Everything inside him wanted to kill the evil thing in front of him, but he remained impassive. Voldemort eyed him, before dismissing him. "You've done your part for today." Draco walked out of the circle, seeing his parent's faces in the sea of black robes, and apparated into the Forbidden Forest.

He walked to the castle, apathetically, for if he let himself feel, he knew he'd breakdown and die of grief. He made it to his library, before he collapsed, crying. "You told me you'd be back. I loved you and you died!" He yelled, through gasps and sobs. He split open his knuckles, hitting at the floor, and anything he could reach. He was helpless, and Harry was dead, and there was nothing that could make it right. After awhile, he ran out of steam, and just lay breathing on the floor. He got up, and sat on the couch, pulling out a box from underneath it.

He sighed as he pushed the needle tip into his vein. In less than a minute he felt the numbing effects of the heroin. Before he could change his mind, he shot up again. He felt so tired… He went to sleep with a smile on his face, thinking about Harry, and he never woke up.

**A/N: I've always wondered why more stories didn't have evil triumphing. This is the angstier ending, and I think it fits perfectly. Sometime soon I'll post the alternate one, which isn't as dark. Let me know what you thought.**


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